1. The Game
They were in the mess hall, teaching Ronon and Teyla to play Texas Hold ‘em. It was one of the ways John had found to spend downtime with Rodney, without being obvious. In poker, you were supposed to stare at your opponents. And besides, he enjoyed the company.

“Okay, here’s how it goes. First, you have ‘the deal.’ That’s where you get the two cards you’re gonna use to play with,” he said, dealing two to each of them. “Then the first three cards are laid out—,”

“That’s called ‘the flop,’” Rodney interrupted, leaning in as John laid out three cards face up. They were sitting next to each other at one of the small tables, close enough that John could smell him. It was like coffee and ocean and something else distinctly Rodney, all mixed together into something embarrassingly arousing. That didn’t keep John from breathing him in every time he flapped a hand or leaned in to say something.

“Yes, the flop,” John continued, glancing at Rodney and biting his lip to keep from thinking about kissing the mole on Rodney’s jaw. “This is where you get some idea of how good your hand is compared to everyone else’s. Then the next card, that’s—,”

“The turn,” Rodney broke in again as John laid down the fourth card and caught another enticing trace of his scent. He’d wondered a lot about what Rodney did for company in Siberia and what he hoped Rodney would do for company now. Maybe being a scientist meant he was a free-thinker and wouldn’t be averse to John’s way of thinking.

“Or some people call it ‘fourth street,’” John glared sideways at Rodney. He had no clue how difficult he was making this for John, but that obliviousness was part of his charm. John just wished he could figure out if Rodney returned his feelings. For a guy who generally wore his heart on his sleeve, it was ridiculously hard to tell if he’d refuse John’s advances.

“This is where you get a better idea of what the other people are holding. And the last card is…” he paused, laying down the final card and waiting for Rodney’s inevitable interruption, but Rodney just blinked at him. “Well?”

“I was just waiting to see what you were going to call it,” Rodney said, all innocence. It made John think about debauching him and brought a flush to his face. God, it was absurd that just playing cards with Rodney did this to him. He shifted in his seat, sneaking another glance at Rodney.

Suppressing a laugh at himself and an eye roll at Rodney, John finished with, “The last card is called ‘the river,’ but some people call it ‘fifth street.’ This is where you find out if your gamble paid off. Since this is no limit, you can bet as much as you want any time you want or you can fold anytime you want. At the end, there’s the ‘showdown,’ where everybody that's left shows their hands and we see who’s the winner. Got all that?”

“Why is it called ‘the river’?” Teyla asked.

“Oh, well, gambling was hugely popular on Mississippi riverboats in the early 1800s,” Rodney said. “And when dealers cheated, they’d usually deal the fifth card to advance their hand and win. If they were caught, they’d be thrown overboard into the river as punishment. Thus, ‘the river.’”

John was disturbed that he found Rodney’s useless knowledge hot. He was doomed.

“I…see.” Teyla said with a smile at Rodney’s chatter. “Shall we attempt a hand?”

“Sure. Here, you deal, Teyla,” John said, handing the cards to her and placing a white disc in front of her. “This is the ‘dealer button’—it says who’s dealing and tells us who goes first. That makes me the small blind and Rodney, you’re big. And Ronon, you’re first after the deal.”

“Blind?” Ronon asked.

“It means that two people to the left of the dealer have to put money in before they get their cards—they’re betting ‘blind’. It’s so there’s something in the pot worth winning each hand,” John explained. “It changes each time so everyone has to do it eventually. And if you want to play your hand, you have to put in at least as much as the big blind. Everybody ready?”

2. The Deal
He and Rodney tossed in their blinds and John nodded to Teyla to start. She deftly shuffled the cards and dealt two to each player. John watched Rodney watch Ronon check his cards and throw his chips in, saying, “I’m in.” John smiled at Rodney’s open expression. This was going to be easy.

They all looked at Teyla, who was carefully peeking at the very corner of each of her cards. “I believe I will also play,” she said, selecting two chips from her neat stack and placing them in front of her.

It was his turn next, so John cupped his cards in his hands and saw that he had Big Slick, an ace and a king. “Raise,” he said, pushing four chips out forcefully. He watched Rodney slyly check his own cards and waited for him to fold. Instead, he pushed out eight chips and said, “Re-raise.” John frowned. He might not know which team Rodney was playing for, but even without the big bet, it was easy to see in his face that he was pleased with his hand.

Ronon threw his cards down in disgust and said, “I’m out.”

They looked to Teyla, who said, “I shall fold as well,” frowning and pushing her cards away.

John considered his options. Ace-king was a really good starting hand. He figured Rodney must have a pretty good hand too, probably a high pocket pair like queens or something. Which meant John was behind unless an ace or a king came out. But hey, he was a fighter pilot and a gambling man. He called, thinking that getting turned on by Rodney’s aggressive betting was even more disturbing than finding his trivia hot.

“Ok, Teyla, pot’s right, deal the flop,” Rodney instructed. Teyla discarded the top card and then turned over the next three. Ace of diamonds, two of clubs, seven of spades. A great flop for John. Now there were only five starting hands that would beat him¹. He could bet here and try to get Rodney to fold, or he could check, trying to entice a bet from Rodney and make the pot he’d win larger. He looked at Rodney, who was looking at him. His eyes were so bright, wide and shining and John wondered what it would be like to see the reflection of his own desire mirrored back at him in blown pupils, to hear his name pass those full lips in an urgent whisper.

Rodney narrowed his eyes at John, as if he could read his thoughts. He nearly choked at the realization that it didn’t matter if he could read Rodney like a book, he was getting too distracted being the focus of that blue stare.

Redirecting his concentration to the game at hand, John guessed Rodney probably didn’t hit anything on the flop and the ace scared him. Or he could have an ace and was waiting to see what John would do. In that case, he should make just a small feeler bet to see how Rodney reacted. “Twenty,” John said, tossing in two more chips. Rodney debated a moment before calling, pushing in his own two chips. “Ok, next card, Teyla.”

“And here is the turn,” she said, discarding the top card and laying out the next one face up. “Ace of spades.” An even better card for John, giving him three of a kind. Now there were only four starting hands that would beat him². And two of them were hands that Rodney would not have raised with to start, so there were really only two hands that Rodney could be holding that would win. Pocket twos or pocket sevens. And he wouldn’t have raised so much to start with if he was holding such low pairs. He must have that high pocket pair. Probably kings. With two of the four aces showing, his genius brain was most likely figuring out the probability of John having one in his hand also.

Time for a bigger bet. “Forty.” John threw out four chips, earning another narrowed glare from Rodney.

Rodney paused a moment and then said, “Raise,” pushing out eight chips. John considered his options again. A raise meant Rodney felt really good about his high pair, because two aces on the board would give him two pair. Not enough to beat John’s set. He smiled at Rodney, pushing in another four chips.

“Call.” He should raise here but he wasn’t entirely sure what Rodney was holding.

“And now it is time for the river?” Teyla asked, waiting for their nods before continuing. “King of hearts,” she said, laying down the last card.

John couldn’t have asked for a better card. The king gave him a full house, one of the best possible hands. Now he really hoped Rodney did have those pocket kings, because they would also give Rodney a full house—kings over aces. But John’s full house was better—aces over kings. If Rodney had a full house, he would be thinking he was unbeatable³. John could probably make any bet here and Rodney would call.

“I’m all in,” John said, shoving the rest of his chips to the middle.

“What is ‘all in’?” Teyla asked.

“Well, in no-limit, you can bet any amount you want, so when you gamble everything you’ve got on this one hand, you say, ‘all in.’ It’s kinda like a hail-Mary,” John explained.

He could practically see Rodney salivating. Oh, this was gonna be good. And he would be able to give Rodney endless shit about taking all his money in one hand.

“I call,” Rodney said, unable to keep the triumphant grin off his face as he pushed the rest of his chips in. “Whaddya got, flyboy?” he smirked, turning over his cards.

He flipped over his own cards. “Just Big Slick, professor—,” John started to crow, but stopped short as he saw Rodney’s hand. He’d also turned over ace-king, giving them both the same full house.

“Aww, split pot,” Rodney whined.

“Split pot?” Ronon asked.

“Yeah, we have the same hand, so we tie. We split the pot evenly between us,” John explained.

Teyla clasped her hands together in delight. “But that’s wonderful! You both win!”

“Yeah, but only half as much. That’s like kissing your sister,” Rodney complained.

1. The five starting hands that would beat John’s ace-king here are pocket aces, pocket sevens, pocket twos, ace-seven and ace-two.
2. The remaining hands that would beat John’s ace-king are pocket sevens, pocket twos, ace-seven and ace-two. Ace-seven and ace-two are okay hands but not good enough for Rodney to have raised with at the beginning.
3. Rank of poker hands: one pair, two pair, three of a kind, straight, flush, full house, four of a kind, straight flush, royal flush. The four of a kind, straight flush and royal flush are very uncommon, so a full house is usually the absolute best you can hope for.