Not a P-90 (2/4)
Title: Not a P-90 (2/4)
Author: girly_curl_3
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~ 11,000 total

Pairings: McKay/Sheppard
Spoilers: None
Warning: Don’t take any wooden nickels.
Summary: This wasn’t even the same goddamn galaxy as Earth. They might only be a ‘gate away, but it was still light-years.

Disclaimer: Please enter standard useless boilerplate disclaimer of all intent to damage here. i.e., not mine, not for profit. 
Notes: Betassistance by mckays_girl   and hullfire  . Also looked at in infancy by lamardeuse  . Many and sundry thanks to you all; you are fabulous. Any remaining crappiness is all mine, baby. Also, this is my first-ever slash and my second-ever fic (the first was HP het!) so, please, read with kindness. Of course, feedback and concrit are adored.   
And finally, this fic is dedicated with love to mckays_girl  --thank you for all your support! *smooches*

Link to Part 1 

Sheppard let him fly the jumper across the ocean but wouldn’t let him land.

“Rodney, I told you, nobody’s really looked around here yet. I don’t want to squash something valuable.”

“I thought you said the Athosians had been here,” Rodney complained.

“They were.”

“So, why can’t—”

“Rodney! No. You suck at landing,” John grumbled.

Rodney looked nonplussed for a moment, then started up again. “No, no, no. That’s not true. In fact, last time you said, and I quote, ‘Smooth as a baby’s bottom, McKay. Not bad.’ And doesn’t practice make perfect?” He made to get up and take over.

“Rodney!” Sheppard batted him away. “Fine. I like doing the landing, okay?” he said petulantly.

“Oh.” Rodney was quiet a moment, and then with significant eye rolling in his voice, he said, “Fine, fine, fine. All you had to do was say something. I mean, I know I’m a genius, but you’d save us some time if you would just tell me things instead of making me figure it out.” He got up to nose around the back compartment.

John closed his eyes for a moment and sighed in frustration. “Yeah. No kidding,” he muttered, before shouting, “Hey! Leave that alone!” as Rodney began poking around the gear John had brought for them. He didn’t want Rodney to see what he’d packed until it was time.

“What? Why?” Rodney responded, head popping up like a meerkat, then ducking back over the assorted packs and prodding.

“No peeking!”

“No peeking? What is this, Christmas?” Rodney snarked.

“I’m trying to land the jumper, Rodney. Could you please sit down and not distract me so I don’t kill us?” John spoke slowly, as if to a child.

“Yes, Colonel Cranky Pants. Whatever you say.”

John managed to land them in one piece and tried to shoo Rodney out the back of the jumper while keeping him out of the assorted packs.

“Ooh, look! A ZPM!” John pointed out at the scenery.

“What?!” Rodney’s head whipped around, then back slowly. He tilted his head and gave Sheppard Patented Annoyed Glare Number Three. “Ha ha. I didn’t know Clown College had the day off today,” he snarked. “Fine, carry everything yourself. You’re the grunt anyway.”

Rodney got out the scanner and started looking around. “Ooh, look! An Iratus bug!”

John just barely stopped himself from whirling around. “Oh, the scientist is funny today. This oughta be nice,” he smiled and trotted over behind Rodney. John leaned in over his shoulder to peer at the scanner. “What’s the gameboy say?”

He tried not to, he really tried, but he couldn’t help himself. As Sheppard leaned into him, Rodney turned his head just the slightest bit and took one of his deep cleansing breaths. Oh god. There was that smell that was uniquely Sheppard. His cock responded immediately. This was a bad idea. Very bad.

“This way,” Rodney pointed and they started off toward Halling’s “ruins.” As they approached, it looked less and less like ruins and more like an abandoned settlement. Rodney was stopping and holding up the scanner every few minutes. He kept pointing it this way and that, saying “Hm,” and biting his thumb a lot.

Exasperated, John gave in and asked. “What?” If only to stop Rodney doing that with his mouth.

“Well. There’s several different readings…got some excellent energy signatures. Over that way, and right up here, but there’s a big one farther on,” Rodney said, gesturing with his free hand.

“That’s weird. Halling said they haven’t seen anybody or any…thing. Maybe we should wait and bring a team back.” John felt his disappointment rising. He’d have to wait a long time for another chance like this.

“No, no…it’s not big enough to be dangerous. Or, I mean, it is, but if it was really this big we’d be able to see it. It’s fine. Let’s keep going.”

“Dr. McKay wants to keep hiking? What’d you do with my Rodney?” John asked with mock-suspicion.

Rodney’s gut did a little flip. Sheppard had a my Rodney? He felt himself flush. “Your Rodney?” He didn’t even know he’d spoken until he heard the words.

John laughed. “Yes, my Rodney.” They stared at each other for a moment until Rodney turned uncomfortably to the scanner in his hand.

“Science calls, Colonel. Chop chop!” Rodney strode off toward the nearest energy reading, hoping Sheppard wouldn’t notice his blush and cursing the man for not knowing his own charm.

~~~

John trailed along after Rodney, watching him make happy noises as he prodded and examined the interior of the small building where the energy reading was coming from. It was covered inside and out with a pale green moss that seemed to pulsate harmlessly as they inspected it. There was more hmm-ing and thumb-biting.

They moved on to the next energy source and Rodney rooted happily, making little excited exclamations and talking to himself. He’d found a…something, and was turning it over and over in his hands and glaring at it. John checked his watch. They’d already been at this for a couple of hours. Time for step two in his master plan.

“I’m…gonna do a perimeter check. I’ll be back.”

“Yes, yes, very good.” Rodney waved a hand at John, not even looking up from the Ancient thing he was holding.

John made a cursory circuit of the area before heading to the jumper and the packs he’d protected from Rodney. Choosing a clear, sunny spot, he hauled the stuff over and set up their lunch, radioing Rodney when he was ready.

Rodney ambled in his direction, still examining the Ancient thing he’d found and not looking where he was going. He was babbling to John, turning the thing over and holding it close while squinting at it.

“Here. Sit down.” John guided Rodney to the ground, taking his prize from him and exchanging it for a cup of Athosian wine. Rodney automatically sipped it, still talking.

“…and I think there are a couple more of those, and if they do what I think they’ll do—” he paused to sip and continued, “—then we should be able to—What is this? Is this wine? Is there citrus? What is this?” He frowned down at his cup, then looked up at John.

“Rodney. Relax. Yes, it’s wine. No, there’s no citrus. Here. Eat.” John handed him a sandwich and set out a pleasantly arranged plate of fruit. Rodney bit into his sandwich, chewing and looking around, taking notice of their surroundings for the first time. His chewing slowed, then stopped. Grassy, sunlit meadow, check. Brightly patterned blanket, check. Food, wine, pleasant company, check. He frowned at John, feeling a small flicker of something in his chest.

“Mm mph m mph-mph?” he asked through his mouthful. Sheppard, stretched out appealingly on his side, head propped on one hand, raised his eyebrows.

“What was that?”

Rodney swallowed, nearly choking on the dry sandwich, and gulped down the rest of his wine. As John refilled it, Rodney started, “I—we—” hesitated, then said again, gesturing to encompass the food, blanket and the colonel himself. “We—Colonel, are we on a picnic?”

John laughed out loud at the incredulity in Rodney’s voice. “Yes, Rodney, we’re on a picnic. I thought you’d enjoy it.” The look on his face was priceless. A mixture of surprise and childlike glee, it warmed John to know he had put it there.

Rodney took another bite and gazed around some more, grinning goofily. “Huh. A picnic. I don’t remember the last time I went on a picnic. This is…nice.” It was surprisingly nice. And Sheppard had planned this. Probably practice for the next Chaya.

~~~

Drowsy from wine and food and sun, they had spread out on the blanket and dozed in companionable silence for a while. Much as he’d enjoyed the pleasant interlude, Rodney McKay was not one to lounge about when there was science to be mucked about with.

“Come on, Colonel, let’s go find more fun stuff,” Rodney chattered, picking himself up off the fluffy Athosian blanket and turning to offer John a hand up.

“Lead the way,” John said, stifling a yawn and clipping his P-90 back on. They headed off toward the largest of the energy readings and found a midsized temple-type building, completely covered inside and out in the pulsating moss. They crept in carefully, following the scanner. There was an oddly-familiar looking dais at one side and they moved toward it.

John stopped. “Do you hear something?”

Rodney paused, biting his free thumb. “Huh. Sort of a humming, isn’t it?”

“I’m not so sure about this…” John warned, continuing over to the moss-covered podium. He looked down at it, saying, “What is this thing?”

Rodney approached, standing close behind John, peering around him. His eyes lit up and he pushed in front. John took the opportunity to drape himself over Rodney, pressing against him as he dropped his chin over Rodney’s shoulder.

Rodney froze for a moment, eyes glazing over, willing his dick to behave. The small flicker he’d felt at lunch turned into a flare. Oh, he was in so much trouble. Sheppard couldn’t have tempted him more if he’d been trying…he dismissed the train of thought because the end of that line was someplace he’d likely never see. Rodney focused again on the console and frowned.

“Huh. Look at this…” Rodney pushed at some of the moss covering the surface. It held fast until he pried a chunk off in a lump. “This looks like…here, help me get it off!” He started pulling at the moss excitedly and John helped him clear it. As more of the thing became recognizable beneath the blunting surface of the moss, realization dawned.

“Wait a minute…this looks like…”

“Yes, yes, yes, a DHD!” Rodney exclaimed. “Over there, look! Go see if there’s a gate or something!” He pointed, fingers snapping, excitement written all over his face.

John moved to the other side of the room and began pulling at the moss, tearing it off in sheets. Nothing. He kept poking around, not wanting to dishearten Rodney. Still nothing.

“Rodney, there’s nothing here. It’s just a wall.” And was the humming louder?

“What? But that’s…” Rodney looked down at the console in front of him, disappointed.

“Hang on, there’s a round…thing on the floor over here.” John said, gesturing with his head.

“No, no, no, a thing? What do you mean?” Eyebrows drawn, Rodney strode over to examine what John was looking at.

They pulled more moss away, uncovering a large, round, slightly elevated platform. Rodney bent down to look closer and started talking to himself.

“Oh no, it couldn’t be…no way.” His voice was rising in excitement. “Colonel, do you know what this is? This is a, a, a, ring transporter!”

“A what—” John tried to ask, but Rodney barreled on. He was scrambling around the platform, yanking moss away, talking faster and snapping and flapping his hands at things as he explained.

“Here, look, it’s a ring transporter. The Prometheus had one. See, it’s a transporter device, and this, this, uh, stack of rings comes out from the platform or maybe the ceiling here, and, and, and, uses dematerialized matter streams, it’s, uh, like the transporters on Atlantis or, or, or the Asgard beam. Only it’s portable. And there’s another set—I wonder where the corresponding rings are? And, and, and, the DHD isn’t a DHD, it’s the remote panel to operate it!”

Rodney paused, standing on the platform beaming, and John asked, “So, it’s a good thing?”

“Yes, Colonel. Transporter good,” Rodney said sarcastically, unable to hold back a smile.

“Cool.” John smiled back.

Rodney clambered off the platform and John grinned even wider, throwing an arm around Rodney’s shoulders. Exhilarated by the discovery, Rodney flung both arms around John and hugged him. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Spending the day with John, the picnic, the ring transporter…and now he was hugging Sheppard, touching him…hugging Sheppard…Rodney started to stiffen up and pull away when he realized what he was doing but John squeezed him back.

“Well, if I’d have known you were going to get this excited, I’d have taken you on a picnic a long time ago,” he deadpanned.

Rodney’s heart tripped as he realized he was standing there hugging John Sheppard and Sheppard was hugging him back. John pulled back a bit, looking into Rodney’s face, and as their eyes met, Rodney felt himself growing aroused. Again.

There was a rumbling noise and bits of dust and small stones fell from the ceiling. They looked up, then at each other and started slowly backing away. The edges of the moss were turning a dark green all over where they’d torn at it. The room shook again and they stopped.

“Colonel…”

“Rodney…I don’t think the moss likes us.” The humming and rumbling got louder and larger bits fell from above. Rodney looked back over at the not-a-DHD.

“Obviously. I think we should—” Rodney began. John’s eyes widened and he found himself dive-tackling Rodney into safety again. They rolled to a stop under the console as the building came down around them.

~~~

The dust cleared and Rodney found himself shamefully turned on and pinned under Sheppard for the second time in as many days. How did this keep happening? He tried to shift a bit, but oh god, there was the P-90 again. In the confined space, John’s face was pressed against Rodney’s neck and he could feel a hot puff of breath against his skin. Like the traitor it was, now that the threat of imminent death was abated, Rodney’s dick got extremely interested in the situation. Rodney groaned and started to struggle. He had to get out from under Sheppard. He began ineffectively shoving at the colonel.

“Rodney, ow! Careful. What are you so worked up about?” John asked, rearing up a bit so he could look Rodney in the face. “I know you’re excited about the ring…thing, but, uh, it probably doesn’t work anymore, if it ever did.” He gestured with a tilt of his head at the place where the not-a-gate had been.

Rodney went lax. It was hopeless. “Colonel,” Rodney gulped, closing his eyes and deciding to just be done with it. “I’m sure this sort of thing happens to you all the time, what with you being the Captain Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy and all, but I find myself in a potentially embarrassing situation and you don’t seem to be getting off of me and even you are bound to figure it out sooner or later, so for the sake of not causing irreparable harm to our friendship and ensuring that one or possibly both of us die of mortification in the next few minutes, I’ll just say that…” he paused, trying to find the least awkward words, “Uh, it’s not just the Ancient stuff that’s got me worked up.” He looked pointedly at John.

John grinned at him. Bingo. Ok, so being trapped in a crumbling temple wasn’t actually part of the master plan, but nonetheless, it worked. “It’s ok, Rodney. That’s not my P-90.”

“Wha…” Rodney stared up at John, comprehension dawning.

“Rodney?”

“Oh god,” Rodney said, closing his eyes again. John frowned down at him. First things first.

“Rodney, look at me. Are you okay?”

“Oh god,” Rodney said again, eyes still closed. He was starting to hyperventilate. John had planned the picnic for him.

“Rodney, relax. Breathe,” John said. “And look at me.”

Rodney took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

“Are you all right?”

Somehow, even laying smothered under John in a settling cloud of dust and rubble, Rodney was still able to look disgusted and muster up his best indignant tone.

“We’ve just escaped near death for the fifth time this week, been attacked by sentient moss, one of the most useful pieces of Ancient technology we’ve ever discovered has been crushed to small pieces by falling rock and the subject of every erotic fantasy I’ve had for the last three years is laying on top of me and has just informed me that the impressively and may I say somewhat alarmingly large object digging into my thigh is not his P-90. And you want to know if I’m all right? No, Colonel, I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!” he finished with a shout.

“Three years? Really?” John raised an eyebrow rakishly.

“Look, you’re missing the point here, Colonel—”

“Rodney.”

“Really, I’m fine, I just need a minute. I mean, it’s not like this kind of thing happens to me every day, and I’m—”

“Rodney.”

“Oh, god, I really shouldn’t have—what?” Being the smartest man in two galaxies was not making it any easier for Rodney to get a grip. He began to panic again, struggling under John.

“Rodney.” John pinned Rodney’s wrists and looked down into his face. “Shut. Up.”

Rodney stilled, licking his lips and swallowing. John made a silent query with one eyebrow and Rodney stared back at him, giving a barely perceptible jerk of his chin in response. With just a hint of his usual smirk, John leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Rodney’s. Feeling him respond, John wanted more and licked at the seam of Rodney’s lips, pressing in and exploring gently as his mouth opened. For a moment, there was nothing else in the world, no temple crumbling around them, no Atlantis, no ‘gate, and then John pulled away with a tug on Rodney’s bottom lip.

“Mm,” Rodney whispered, opening his eyes.

John grinned down at him, enjoying the feel of Rodney beneath him.

Rodney grinned goofily back for a second, but then his face fell, soft eyes going wide. “Colonel.”

Assuming Rodney was already overthinking the ramifications of one kiss, John growled, “Don’t do this, McKay…”

Rodney’s eyes were growing wider by the second and he was no longer looking into Sheppard’s eyes, but over his shoulder.

“Colonel. The moss is angry. We, we, we have to get out of here…Sheppard! Colonel Sheppard!” Rodney was in full panic mode now. John craned his neck around to peer at the moss that was rapidly growing back and pulsating wildly. The humming had returned and there was more rumbling from the remaining temple walls.

“Oh, crap.” He scrambled off Rodney and reached to help him up. They picked their way around fallen chunks of stone as fast as they could and made it outside as the temple rumbled and shook again before collapsing further.

~~~

The briefing with Elizabeth was mercifully quick, mostly because John downplayed their involvement in angering the moss and triggering the cave-in, and Rodney tried not to let his disappointment at the crushed ring transporter show. And then they were out of Elizabeth’s office, standing in the corridor staring uncomfortably at each other and Rodney suddenly realized that in all the hullabaloo he’d stopped thinking about the fact that Sheppard, John had kissed him. Kissed him, hello. His brain had gone south and his dick went north and he’d blurted out, “Lab!” at John and turned and fled the scene as quickly as he could without appearing to actually be fleeing.

He barricaded himself in his lab to freak out in private, and there he’d stayed through dinner, hunched over his laptop playing solitaire, pinching the bridge of his nose and practicing his deep cleansing breaths. It didn’t help. Neither did hoping Sheppard wouldn’t come find him and want to talk about it. And what didn’t help most of all was hoping Sheppard would come find him and not want to talk about it.

~~~

On to Part 3